What it feels like for a postgrad
Officially my course began nearly a month ago, and I’m still settling in. Activities that seem to be frequent and recurring include:
- Reading, reviewing and summarising papers
- Looking through journals, conferences etc. for interesting papers
- Finding interesting papers only to discover I need a subscription
- On gaining access to a paper, finding that the title and abstract do not really reflect the content and in fact it is irrelevant
- Finding a relevant paper, starting to read it and discovering that I need more background knowledge from other papers, which returns me to point 2…
- Defending my thesis before it is written
- Being asked what my PhD is about
- Trying out a slightly different response each time in the futile hope that someone will go “oh, right” and not ask further questions.
- Being asked further questions
- Being told “that’s not science” or “that’s not art”, in roughly equal measure
- Being told it has already been done
- Being told it can’t be done
- Continually failing to justify it satisfactorily, probably because I’ve only been working on it a couple of weeks really, and it’s very left-field research in an area most people aren’t familiar with. Hoping to improve this by studious application of section 1.
- Meeting with my supervisor
- Feeling prepared for the meeting
- Being asked lots of unexpected questions
- Feeling like I’ve been on the wrong track the whole time
- Feeling like I have direction again, and becoming confident that I will do the right things next week, leading to 3.1…
- Spending a lot of time with interesting clever people in the field
- Feeling intimidated by their intelligence and experience
- Trying to look like I am clever and know things
- Trying to learn from them
- Finally, just enjoying having the time to chat with all of them, whether the discussion is serious, silly, fruitful or less than useful
- Making new friends.
In conclusion, I am having a whale of a time whilst also going through a bit of a rollercoaster of over-confidence and self-doubt. I’m sure it’ll settle down a bit in time. I’m also a bit overwhelmed by the range of literature I need to cover — the project touches on music theory, psychology, social science, data mining, neuroscience, computer cognition… It’s a bit all over the place. Working title is “Investigating beauty in music: a machine learning approach” — ask me about it in person if you want a better explanation. I’m getting better at that.