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I’m incredibly happy to be alive and well and experiencing everything. Everything’s beautiful.

Obligatory update in list form:

• I have Foo Fighters tickets for June, I didn’t think they’d play anywhere but Wembley
• My dad is paying for them for Christmas (thanks, Dad!)
• I saw a meteorite 3 nights in a row (Yes, peak of best shower of the year, still pretty though)
• I’m loved, and in love, and loving it
• Christmas is coming, and I’m spending Christmas Day in Aber again
• My diss is coming along nicely, I have a working prototype
• I’m going to apply for a PhD in Aber and I’m pretty likely to get funding one way or another, I’m really looking forward to doing the work as it’s in a really interesting area with a great supervisor.

I walked home from the uberflat tonight, on my own, looking up at the stars, listening to the waves, after a great evening in with friends and lovers, knowing some of my future plans and knowing that I’m working towards them, and just felt so content I could cry. Maybe I will. I have been worried and stressed and scared and depressed at times during this term, but right now I feel on top of the world.

I walked 35 miles total on the Real Ale Ramble, and I think that’s the first time in a while I’ve pushed myself to do something just for the achievement, just because I wanted to see if I could do it. My usual motivation for getting anything done is line of least resistance, do the minimum to stay on the easiest path, or possibly do the thing that’s going to gain the most for me personally in an immediate benefit sense. This was different. I was knackered at the start of the second day (15 turned into 20 when we got lost on day 1) and knew that whatever happened, I was going to be in pain at the end of the day. 2 choices: 10 mile pain, 15 mile pain. I decided right then “Why not push it? Why not strive for something you’re not sure you can reach?” And I did, and I’d have learnt from it whether or not I’d made it. (My knee ached for a week afterwards — you’re probably supposed to warm up before walking that far, I learnt that at very least!)

Apart from the obvious (but happily, temporary) physical harm this experience cost me, I think it has made a difference to my outlook, and I’m not sure why exactly, but I think it’s a good thing. It’s weird that it took something I’m not actually very good at (exercise) to give me some motivation in the things I’m already good at (science, music). I guess it must have been easier to find the challenge that way, or something. Now I sort of know how to push myself for something I want to achieve, like finishing my diss or recording that song about procrastination. I’ll get round to that later.

Excuse my rambling. Now feeling more sleepy than elated. I’m off to bed. Night night all.